[Terrakchaos] Poesie...in inglese ^^

[Terrakhaos]

Non sono molto sicuro sulla grammatica quindi i commenti sono ben accetti

What we can do

Days run and go past,

and stories don't longer change

but you arrived, you are here

you've changed my life.

I don't know who I'm

I don't know who are you

but I know what we can do :

We can dry the sea,burn more than fire

fly over the sky, shine more than sun.

Days are slow and don't go fast,

and I see an aim now

because you arrived, you are here

you've changed my life.

A dream

I had a dream last night,

where all people were together

a dream where there wasn't any fight

and still existed a "We,forever"

In that dream two people,like us

discovered what is the True Love

and these people decided,like us

to live with the world doen and they above

Their souls and their hearts were joined,

because they lived in a fair world

their fellings and their minds were joined,

and they hadn't to say a word

I have a dream,now,

that all people will be together,

a dream where there is a law,

and will still exist a "We,forever"

A dream with you

Your eyes

I'm looking outside the windows

I'm seeing some swallows fly

it's blowing a raw wind

and I think to your eyes

I can't believe that you aren't here

there is a big cloud in my sky

about my future just fear

and I newly think to your eyes

You've broken my heart

and I don't know why did you do it

You,the most beautiful girl of the earth

Me,a boy with a sadness fit

I hear a knock from the door

but I'm far miles and miles

then the lock turns

and I see your eyes

My heart is wild

On exist just your eyes

the wind now is mild

and there is a ray of hope in my sky

[Mistral]

Metti sempre uno spazio dopo un segno di punteggiatura. La grammatica comunque a prima vista mi sembra buona. È solo quel "don't change plus" che non mi piace. Magari potresti provare un "no longer change" o il classico "don't change anymore", anche se è comunque corretto. La poesia per il resto mi piace molto.

[Emerald]

Veramente molto bella

[Terrakhaos]

Ok grazie *modifie mod on*

[Terrakhaos]

Grazie master avevo un dubbio anche su quello

Ok ecco la seconda

ed ecco la terza